While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
