They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
