i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize