EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
