Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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