Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
