I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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