I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
