brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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