so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
