Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
