She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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