cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
