And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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