I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
