After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
