i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
