when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
