I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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