Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Can Purell be used as lube?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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