you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
did you just send me my own nude
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
