According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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