Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
