I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
