there's paper in my vomit.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
there is glitter all over my balls
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