Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
