And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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