Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize