She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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