I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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