i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
