haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
