Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
