Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
