Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
