The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
