come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
