I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
