Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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