I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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