foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
