So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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