dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
