I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
