im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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