just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
