I think I died a long time ago.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
