I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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