so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
