Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
