At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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