Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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