so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
