Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
