i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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