Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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