I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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