I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
