I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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