I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
