he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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