I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize