Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
