Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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