Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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