You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
