My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
