can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
