i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
