One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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