I'm gonna have a badass scar
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
