that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
