Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
