Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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