i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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