It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
