i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
