I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
