Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
