Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
