can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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