thus making me awesome and them whores
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize