6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
