Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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