ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
