"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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