you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My bed smells like the plague
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