how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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