There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize