It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
