He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
