I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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