At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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