you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
