yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize