Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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