the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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