im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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