we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize