i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
