Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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