I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Are we still banned from the library?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
