I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize