Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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