i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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