Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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