Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
