It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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