your thong is hanging out like whoa
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
