I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
