I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize