Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize