ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
