when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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