No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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