Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
