I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
