I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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