I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize