There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
