I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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