I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize