i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
